Comments on: Re[2]: How To Build a Better Sex Blog, and How We’ll Do It, Do It, and Do It Well http://melissagira.com/sexerati/2007/10/24/re2-how-to-build-a-better-sex-blog-and-how-well-do-it-do-it-and-do-it-well/ Sex & the internet, by Melissa Gira Grant Fri, 30 Jul 2010 05:26:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: Clarisse http://melissagira.com/sexerati/2007/10/24/re2-how-to-build-a-better-sex-blog-and-how-well-do-it-do-it-and-do-it-well/#comment-1132 Clarisse Mon, 12 Jan 2009 06:09:55 +0000 http://www.sexerati.com/2007/10/24/re2-how-to-build-a-better-sex-blog-and-how-well-do-it-do-it-and-do-it-well/#comment-1132 Your second post reminds me of an entry I recently wrote [ http://clarissethorn.wordpress.com/2009/01/02/bdsm-related-relationship-screwups/ ]. Relevant excerpt: <i>I’ve got some ideas for posts about some of the problems that have come up, the mistakes I’ve made in my BDSM relationships. But I’m also terrified of posting them. I identify primarily as a bottom — a mostly heterosexual one to boot … so I’m a woman who likes being hurt and dominated by male partners. (Though I’ll admit to a couple of toppish screwups in my time, too.) And that means that the average audience could map all kinds of scary, incorrect abuse images onto my stories. I mean, even I — when I was coming into BDSM — even I was afraid that my desires meant I “wanted” to be assaulted, that I “wanted” to be raped, that I was participating in something deeply warped and abusive. Of course I don’t want to be assaulted, I don’t want to be raped — of course I am not participating in abuse. But. If even I had these thoughts, once … then how can I expect an audience containing vanilla people to look at my desires, my fantasies, my consensual experiences without flinching in horror? In this particular case, how do I talk about BDSM experiences that went wrong? If I discuss my less-than-perfect moments here, I think I’m mostly telling them to a BDSM-friendly audience: an audience that will get something constructive out of what I’m saying, and might use my experiences as a guide to avoid screwups themselves. But then again, this is the wide world of the Internet, where the audience potentially contains everyone. And the last thing I want is for Concerned Women for America to pick up one of my blog posts and quote me out of context and tell the world about Clarisse Thorn’s abusive BDSM lifestyle. Arguably, this is a particularly important problem for me, because I am specifically trying to do BDSM outreach right now. I am trying to let the world know that kinksters are not scary. Do I have more “responsibility” in my self-representation? Is it more dangerous for me to talk about problematic BDSM experiences, than it would be for other people?</I> Your second post reminds me of an entry I recently wrote [ http://clarissethorn.wordpress.com/2009/01/02/bdsm-related-relationship-screwups/ ]. Relevant excerpt:

I’ve got some ideas for posts about some of the problems that have come up, the mistakes I’ve made in my BDSM relationships. But I’m also terrified of posting them. I identify primarily as a bottom — a mostly heterosexual one to boot … so I’m a woman who likes being hurt and dominated by male partners. (Though I’ll admit to a couple of toppish screwups in my time, too.) And that means that the average audience could map all kinds of scary, incorrect abuse images onto my stories. I mean, even I — when I was coming into BDSM — even I was afraid that my desires meant I “wanted” to be assaulted, that I “wanted” to be raped, that I was participating in something deeply warped and abusive.

Of course I don’t want to be assaulted, I don’t want to be raped — of course I am not participating in abuse. But. If even I had these thoughts, once … then how can I expect an audience containing vanilla people to look at my desires, my fantasies, my consensual experiences without flinching in horror? In this particular case, how do I talk about BDSM experiences that went wrong? If I discuss my less-than-perfect moments here, I think I’m mostly telling them to a BDSM-friendly audience: an audience that will get something constructive out of what I’m saying, and might use my experiences as a guide to avoid screwups themselves. But then again, this is the wide world of the Internet, where the audience potentially contains everyone. And the last thing I want is for Concerned Women for America to pick up one of my blog posts and quote me out of context and tell the world about Clarisse Thorn’s abusive BDSM lifestyle.

Arguably, this is a particularly important problem for me, because I am specifically trying to do BDSM outreach right now. I am trying to let the world know that kinksters are not scary. Do I have more “responsibility” in my self-representation? Is it more dangerous for me to talk about problematic BDSM experiences, than it would be for other people?

]]> By: Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2007-10-24 http://melissagira.com/sexerati/2007/10/24/re2-how-to-build-a-better-sex-blog-and-how-well-do-it-do-it-and-do-it-well/#comment-845 Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2007-10-24 Wed, 24 Oct 2007 23:34:13 +0000 http://www.sexerati.com/2007/10/24/re2-how-to-build-a-better-sex-blog-and-how-well-do-it-do-it-and-do-it-well/#comment-845 [...] Re[2]: How To Build a Better Sex Blog, and How We’ll Do It, Do It, and Do It Well : Sexerati: Smar... “Sex is. it’s our culture that does all the rest of those parlor tricks. Time to shine a light where it belongs, and not up sex’s skirt, but on the whole damn peep show audience: us.” (tags: blogs blogging sex sexuality society community adult web2.0) [...] [...] Re[2]: How To Build a Better Sex Blog, and How We’ll Do It, Do It, and Do It Well : Sexerati: Smar… “Sex is. it’s our culture that does all the rest of those parlor tricks. Time to shine a light where it belongs, and not up sex’s skirt, but on the whole damn peep show audience: us.” (tags: blogs blogging sex sexuality society community adult web2.0) [...]

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