Saturday morning estate and tag sale browsing would be far more exciting if the scope of one’s searching were as wide as eBay. As I was hunting antiques this morning online, I found this wonderful specimen of sex culture from bygone days. Begging the question, ‘how do you work this thing?’ I give you four choices:

a) affix it: to a lover’s jaw with a convenient wood bit to bite on as an Industrial Age piss gagb) lash it: on a wrought iron bed (see, attachments!) as a vintage breath control device for thrashers

c) water it: get a leg up and fill it as a French autoerotic enema adminstrator

d) solder it: back together as a brand new d.i.y. toy, because it’s obviously none of the above

And to the winner, the spoils: a link to the item in question.